I'm moving accounts you guys. Not for any specific reason, I didn't get in trouble or anything, I just want a fresh start.
I'll carry over my characters and that's probably it, I might not even do that. I will also carry over my species, the Brakomi, not that anyone cares though. This account will remain active until Christmas
, and I will check it every once in a while.
I'm not posting any art here anymore though.
The character design contest is off, so sorry to anyone interested.
I will not continue gifts/commissions/requests, so sorry you guys! I just... really can't right now.
I will give my new account name away after Christmas, and I hope to already have some nice art up there.
Well, that ends the technical part of this journal.
Read on, if you want. ;__;
For whatever reason, my sister (we are going to use the alias Mary for the sake of privacy) has been really depressed lately and very self-conscious about what she eats, even thought she is very skinny. It was her 16th birthday today. The biggest birthday in your teens! Right? You're supposed to get your drivers license and invite all your friends over and have a huge party like in the movies!!! My sister ate a tiny sliver of cake in our dark kitchen with her giant stuffed bear that I gave her and me. She went upstairs later and when my mother went in the was bawling that she ate too much cake. (I only know this because my mother told me)
She cries with my mother almost every night and then my mother comes into my room and cries, telling me she doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to do either, I love my family so much, but I don't know how to help them, which hurts a lot. My sister is my mother's biggest concern right now, because Mary is obviously not doing well, and my mother wants to be strong, but she cries in my room so she doesn't look weak in front of Mary. I know she doesn't mean to do it, and I in no way blame her, but it's kind of weighing me down. She cries because she thinks my sister is beyond help, and I can't give any advice, because I really don't know what to do either. She tells me she is so concerned for my sister, and I realize it's her biggest problem and i want to help all of them, but I don't know if she sees how it effects me too.
I was already concerned for Mary, I tell her weight doesn't matter and who gives a shit if your fat, right? As long as you love people and you're honest and you care, then what does it matter what you look like!? That's how we were raised, but recently it's like she can't see past the problem of weight. She sometimes jokes that I'm fat, and I don't really care, but it kind of hurts.
The my mother tells me she doesn't know how to help, and that she's done the best she can to raise us (our father isn't exactly the most emotional man, he's very left-brained) but she thinks it's her fault. I tell her it's not, there's nothing she did to make Mary this way, I tell my mom that's just how she is, and we just have to live this way, but she doesn't see it that way. I don't know what to do, for either of them. I can't bear to see them so unhappy. It's breaking my heart to see my beautiful and wonderful sister who's always been the nicest and funnest sister so sad and self-conscious. It's not the biggest problem in the world, that's what i tell myself. i say "JadeOwl, people are starving and dying in other places!? how can you be so self-centered and only think about your problems!" and my friends have some issues, and i need to support them too. My best friend in specific, we've been drifting apart because i've been so sad lately, but her family is so much more broken than mine. I should be grateful my parents are actually together, that my sister is actually alive, along with my family, but I can't be, because they are all so hurt.
We'll never be perfect, i was taught that at a young age of course. I don't care what i look like, as long as i have good morals and all. But Mary, she doesn't see that anymore. All of her friends tell her it doesn't matter, that she doesn't have to have perfect control over every aspect of her life. She has a whiteboard that has everything she needs to do every month and all her goals and the amount of time she has to achieve those things and she had labels on her drawers and beats herself up over an 89 on a test because it's not a 100. I don't know how to help her. It's just how she is, but it hurts me to see her like this so, so much.
It's really weighing me down, affecting my grades, my personality, the things i post on here, my friends, my family most of all.
I don't want your pity, this is not a pity story, I just need someone who will listen. You don't even have to reply with something nice, you don't even have to comment at all, I just want to know someone listens.
That is all. I hope everyone has a ridiculously wonderful Holiday Season and you get to see all of your relatives and they are all nice to you and you get a million presents under the tree, or if you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope this is the best winter ever for every one of you, even those who hate me.